I’ve been upping the cardio, and cutting the calories, and lifting a lot less.
On the one hand, this sucks. Because if there’s anything in this world I love unconditionally, it’s lifting and eating.
On the other hand, monitoring my intake and focusing on high intensity cardio 3-4 times a week has seen a 7lb drop in weight over the last 5 weeks.
I think I’m going to stick with this reduced calorie/increased cardio BS for a few more weeks before I start reintegrating the heavy weights I love so much. I’ve gotten really good at learning how to lift and eat to maintain my weight, but I’d kind of like to be maintaining a lower weight….
I hate my body.
It’s fit, and it serves me well, and I’m blessed to be healthy, but please, PLEASE someone come and take my curves?
I don’t want them. I want to be as asexual looking as possible. Kind of like a board. That would be good.
I got some (more) negative feedback from my supervisor today about my attire. Apparently it’s too inappropriate. I never show cleavage or wear short bottoms. Ever. Which means the way my clothing fits my body is the only thing that makes it inappropriate. My body is inappropriate.
Today I’m wearing jeans, a high cut tank top and a cardigan. Very demure. And I got wolf whistled at on my way into Starbucks. I want to cry.
I spent so long fighting to not be ashamed of my body anymore only to have to be ashamed of my body again.
Additionally, since I get NO positive feedback from my supervisor at all, I’m terrified that I’m going to fail my internship. Then I wouldn’t be able to graduate. I would have to wait for another year before I could repeat internship.
I want to cry. All of the tears.
I can write health and fitness articles, psychology reviews, self-help notes, and case presentations all day.
but a commencement address????
Where do I even start?
What are words? How do I speech?
Gym after work.
Effff yeah. Haven’t had time to go in a while. I can’t wait!
I’m really good at what I do.
I’m a good therapist.
Today was rough, but wildly gratifying.
All the other crap going on aside, I’m good at what I do. My clients like me, they trust me - and at the end of the work day, that’s what matters.